Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Discouraged

Jesus said in Luke 18:8...

I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?

So much of Christianity out there is trash.  The devil is really throwing hooks out there that look just like real food, and the Christian body is greedily snapping up the bait and getting hooked.

I don't put myself above it, as I've fallen for deception before.  But I think all of us must be extra careful about pursing our relationship with Jesus as the time grows near, as there is a lot of deception and stuff that looks like a relationship with Jesus that isn't.  And a lot of our brothers and sisters are getting caught up into them. 

In the past couple of years I've joined a home church that I realized was N.A.R. and had a hard time reconciling what God was doing with me there.  I recently joined a prayer group (which I kind of has misgivings about) that immediately started posting some NAR related content.  The whole Q psyop and false Bible prophets are kind of merging and playing off each other to deceive a lot of people. On facebook some friend of my wife's who is a Christian befriended me, and then I see him posting Hebrew roots movement stuff.

Jesus, stop this train, I want to get off!

For me, it seems like in the short term I need to focus on Jesus, read and study His word, and maybe cut off quickly the sources of where deception can creep in (be that relationships or whatever).  I need to focus on Jesus and Him alone.  I need to get better grounded in the real Jesus.  I don't want to get deceived again, and better grounded I can better help those who are.

Be careful out there.  Not everything wearing a Christian hate is a Christian. 

Friday, August 9, 2019

Grace Under Fire

I just wanted to capture some ways in which God is helping me through this latest round of sickness.

  1. Even though I'm doing the usual sleep/wake up ever 10 minutes, except for the first day of sickness I've been able to function to do what I needed to do for work, taking care of my son (though at a minimum level).
  2. I also haven't had any real panic attacks.  I can feel them wanting to kick in, but so far they have not.
  3. My nose issue, amazingly hasn't been a problem.
  4. I got the idea of trying to sleep sitting up rather than lying down.  I ended up going back and forth, but sitting up helped.
  5. I'm out of sick and vacation time (or almost out) but work doesn't seem to care.  They also let me take an extra day off and when I came back I wasn't asked to do anything.
  6. I kind of had an idea of how the progression of this cold would go...and so far it has roughly followed that progression.  If it keeps on I should be able to start getting at least a few hours of straight sleep followed by intermittent sleep to operate at a higher capacity, with hopefully being able to get a near full nights sleep soon.  
  7. Because my immune system is down, I got a bad case of thresh.  It is nasty but it doesn't bug me, and that is a blessing as another thing to add pain into the mix would be bad.
  8. My stomach was bad...probably what triggers the sleep problems.  It was about as bad as it could be without me going to an ER.  I did go to a clinic and got some meds to calm it down, they helped and after day two my stomach would only give me problems after eating (of which I haven't been doing much of).
  9. I just happened to buy a lot of yogurt for my son, which I drank most of it and it was good having it around.
There are probably more ways but there are the highlights.  God did not spare me the sickness and a bad run with it, but he kept the symptoms from compounding too badly which they easily could have which would have put me in the hospital.  Also God allowing this sickness to be as bad as it was is reminding me I really do have to make some life changes in the way I eat, plus I need to pursue some surgeries I need but have been putting off because the recovery is pretty tough.  

Thank you Jesus for your kindness to me.  

Thursday, May 31, 2018

God is Faithful

I've been dogged by some serious spiritual questions lately.  Some confusion about Christianity 101.  Some of my confusion has been brought on by my sin.  Some of it is due to conflicting messages given out by so my preachers today.  What is the gospel really?  Am I saved?  Stuff that should have been settled in my heart long ago but recently has not.  So I have been crying out to God to show me the truth.  And without realizing it He did. 

The gospel is Jesus crucified on the cross for sinners.  Jesus is God the son, shedding his blood to provide the perfect sacrifice for the sins of the world.  We bring nothing to the table.  All we do is accept Jesus's gift on the cross.  Our own good works are imperfect and will not save us.  Faith is Christ is all that is required and it is a free gift.  We cannot earn it.  And once gained it cannot be lost.  It is grace.  Free.  Awesome.

Sin muddies that.  It causes us to loose our assurance and messes up our relationship.  All sin should be repented of and confessed.  But in this life I nor anyone else will ever be perfect.  We all struggle with sin.  But Jesus paid for it all.  Our fellowship gets out of wack, and it can be miserable.  But God is the one that saved me (and you if you believe).  I cannot out sin God's grace (though I definitely should never try!).  God loves me.  God died for me.  And God saved me.  I believe and am saved.  Done.  If you believe that Jesus is who He said He was, and His death on the cross paid for your sins, you are saved too.  How awesome!

Sin causes us to question our faith.  It ruins our assurance.  Confess before God your sins and ask Jesus to forgive you, not matter what it is, and He will (1 John 1:9).  How simple!  How awesome a Gospel!  Saving is on God, not on you.  Though you play a roll in your sanctification after salvation. 

I was tripped up on all this and God has been quietly reaching out to me.  Tonight I was up late and just happened to be lead to this link with some great Biblical teaching in the PDFs.  Read, be encouraged, and enjoy your walk with Jesus our Lord and Savior.

http://www.ttb.org/resources/how-can-i-know-god

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

God is Good

So here is another God story.  It shows that sometimes God doesn't deliver us out of trials, but He is faithful and remains with us through the trial.

So, out of the blue one night I couldn't sleep.  I thought it was a one off.  I slept OK the next night, but for the next two weeks after than I averaged about two to three hours of sleep.  It was miserable.  Combined with that, and possibly the cause of my sleeplessness, a really bad stomach problem hit.

Although hardly a huge trial, it was pretty miserable.  Towards the end I couldn't drive, couldn't really think for work, and was having muscle cramps, some really bad often.

So I got into the docs and changed some medications around.  I ended up having to go back to get something to help me sleep.  I hated that medication because at first it wasn't a pleasant drop off to sleep, but felt like a giant blackness was closing in on me.

But after awhile I began to sleep.  My stomach calmed down.  But my trial wasn't quite over.  I looked down and noticed a wet spot one day on my pants.  The drug cocktail I was taking started causing me to, well, leak.  Back to the docs. They gave me another drug.  I had to quit taking that as the combination of drugs I was one caused me to dehydrate even though I was drinking water all the time.  My days for awhile where drink water, get up and pee, repeat over and over again.

To top it all I have sleep apnea.   Whatever happened that night that kicked all this off, and subsequent nights, I just wasn't able to wear my mask anymore...it freaked me out.  So taking the sleeping drugs made me a little afraid as I was worried I wouldn't wake up one morning.  I have never had panic attacks before and viewed those who did as weak or having mental problems.  Well, maybe I fall into that category now as I would had anxiety attacks during this time and would pace for hours at night. 

Sounds moderately bad right?  It wasn't fun, and some issues I'm still dealing with, but here are some ways God who allowed this trial to happen used it to change me.


  • During the sleepless nights one night I read, "Let your strength be your weakness."  So I would start praying for other people since I was up.  Not a ton, but I started.  And that renewed in me a desire to pray for others and although not consistent that desire remains.  God has answered some of those prayers and showed me on a few people that even though I normally don't see any evidence of the prayer having an effect that it is.  One instance I was depressed and for some reason someone who would normally blow off my temporary depression as "just me being emo for the moment" actually gave me some amazing, and Biblical, answers.  God is working on them even though normally I can't see it.
  • We had a trip for an adoption planned.  It got cancelled initially due to a paperwork snafu, of which I was glad because of the health issues.  But then it was on again and we had to drop everything and leave within a week.  I was able to see a urologist and get some medication that wouldn't dry me out and helped a little bit.
  • I lost 10% of my body weight before the trip.  This allowed me to run around with our soon to be son, travel without a seat belt extender, and be a lot more mobile.  
  • On the trip I no longer needed the sleeping medication and the anxiety was mostly gone.  For the most part it hasn't returned, but I do feel the twinges of anxiety on occasion but  I pray about it and try to focus on something to distract my mind and it goes away.
  • Before I left I found a ENT doc / nurse practitioner that is really good.  She got me to get into a sleep study and my sleep apnea levels were re-evaluated.  The good news is that my pressure levels needed dropped down dramatically.  With a little more weight loss perhaps I can ditch that machine in a year or so.  Also I did get really, really sick on the trip.  But my ENT anticipated I might so she prescribed some antibiotics.  They didn't cure me but they kept the sickness from getting bad till the end of the trip.  Once I got back I got some more powerful stuff and knocked the cold out.  Even though I was really sick when I got back I was able to work and sleep.
  • My stomach is still being diagnosed, but I've cut down my eating by about 30-40% and continue to lose weight.  The pain and burping I was experiencing is almost non existent now.  The cramping is gone and I've got back on the muscle relaxers.  For a few months I was caffeine and soda free, though because for work I have to get online really early in the morning I've allowed myself a little caffeine some mornings.  The pot a day is out.
  • Spiritually something happened.  I had some sin in my life that had been there for a long, long time.  Somethings I should have hated I indulged in. I can't say these sins are completely absent from my life, but there are things that I generally flee from now when I'm tempted or exposed to them.  They do not control me anymore and they did before this.  Now I think I can be rid of them as much as anyone who lives in a sinful world can.  I need to walk closely with God and keep short accounts when I fall with Jesus, but it really is night and day pre and post this crisis.
So, even though the trial was painful, and I still have medical issues to deal with, through it I lost weight and continue to lose weight (something I attest that I can't do on my own unless God flips a switch in me somewhere to either lose it because of sickness or gives me the will to eat less...I can't do that on my own), my sleep apnea is much improved and hopefully I will have my machine adjusted to where I can use it again soon for as long as I need it (which hopefully won't be for more than a few more years), my diet is improved, and I'm refocused on walking with God (still need to prioritize my King more, but on the path now where before I was just wandering). 

There has been fruit in my life where before there wasn't much.  And there will be more.  It wasn't fun and it isn't over but by allowing this bump in the road into my life God like a good Shepard is putting me on a path that is more of a life I want to live.

Thank you Jesus for your continued mercy on this sinner.  Glory to you for helping me.  Hopefully I wont need any more bumps but if I do I know you will be there with me.

Monday, January 18, 2016

God is a Good Father

Well lately I've had to deal with my earthly Father in a non-fun way.  My Dad is a great father and I'm lucky to have had him as my own.  But he like all of us is mortal.  He has some health issues and I ended up dropping everything and with my Aunt in tow head out to make sure my Father would be OK.

In the midst of meeting up with my Aunt for a drive out I forgot something.  I was enraged.  I had been trying to get out of my house and on the road for several hours.  Now I had to turn the car around and head back.  With all my Dad's health problems going on briefly I thought, "God this is kicking me when I'm down.  That is BS."

Big thoughts from a little mortal against an omnipotent, omnipresent 100% righteous and just God...but there they were, even a little bit darker than that.

My wife said, "Hey, it could have been worse.  You could have remembered [the item] after I already had dropped you off and you would have had to come back after you and your Aunt were on the road."

That calmed me down.  "OK God, sorry.  My wife is right.  You were just reminding me that I needed what I forgot.  And that isn't your job.  You are not my Stewart.  But thank you. I am sorry."

But it got better.  Not only had I forgot the thing that God had most likely reminded me to turn around and get...in my haste to leave, the thing I had forgotten...I realized I had forgotten something way more important, something I could not sleep without and would have been miserable not having (medical deal).  It didn't even originally occur to me to bring this item.

So the just of this story is that God knows what He is doing.  Even though some of the time life throws little curve balls at you that are irritating, and it seems like at least God is the pitcher...or worse God appears to be the ref laughing as multiple pitchers beam you with fast balls this is never the case.  God loves you.  He loves me.  Everything is working towards the good of those who love Him. Sometimes that may not even be your direct good in this life, but maybe for the good of someone else.  But I KNOW God doesn't allow hurtful things to come our way to enjoy watching His creation get beat down.  Never.  God allows big things and small things (like my little irritant) to work for the good.

This is a good reminder because a lot of things that are potentially huge, painful, and difficult are coming my way soon.  The next time I have to this same trip will be very trying I think.  Without getting into the issue I could get resentful to a lot of people, people that are really close to me, for what is happening surrounding my Father.  But my heavenly Father has got this.  If I can take this little object lesson in the small and apply it to the big and keep faith  that God is working not only will I not let things that I don't understand cause me frustration, but I can take them with grace and not get angry, trusting in that God is at work even though sometimes it seams like He is just standing by or even making things worse.  God never does that to His children, but His ways are not our ways, and sometimes we need to have faith and wait for things to unfold and trusting that God is a good God and loves us and others.  We need to be patient and not freak out even though we may not understand what God is up too regardless of how it appears.

I write this so this to remind myself in the coming months of this little event.  A story to help me keep things in perspective.  I hope this story helps you too.

Keep the faith.
Romans 8:28

Monday, February 9, 2015

My Biggest Sin

It occurred to me that my biggest sin is this...I'm still using my own standard of what is good and bad behavior.  And where I know my behavior is wrong in God's eyes, I just do it anyway and ask God to forgive me and think we are good.  When I do this I look at grace as an enabler for bad behavior.

This is not right.  What I need to do is fully embrace God's standard of right and wrong, and fully submit myself to that standard.  Maybe I have been fleeing that standard because there are so many areas of my life that are out of sync with that standard.  Note, in this fallen body...that has the old sin nature and the new born again nature fight, I will never be perfect, as at times I will fall short.  That is what the grace of Jesus is there for then...it covers me when I tried and failed.  But the difference is here is that I'm honestly striving for God's Holy standard, not just pretending to and then falling back and misusing God's grace to go my own way and pretend that I'm not.

I don't really know what happened to me.  When I first got saved I was all about God's standard and knew that grace was there to cover all my sins but it was my duty as a child of God to push my standard of right and wrong off to the side and embrace the Lord's even though sometimes I would fail it.  Over the years I've flipped back to my pre-saved version of what is right and wrong.  Oh I surround it with Christianese...and ask God to forgive me when I fail, but the repentance...the changing of my mind...the turning towards God has really suffered.

Don't get me wrong...I'm still a hyper-gracer and believe once saved always saved.  But I also believe that in order to be used fully by God, you must be striving to do what Paul in Romans 12:1-2 beseeches believers do every day.  I have not, and my relationship with God has gone from friend to someone at the back of the bus.  And it isn't God pushing me away...it is me ignoring Him calling me time and time again back into Holiness and being close to Him...but I foolishly choose the back of the bus again and again.

This really hit home for me recently, as I did repent for a good while of most of the stuff I was doing and God really started to bless me.  But then on a critical weekend I went into willful sin and just wasted all those blessings.  This was a micro experience, but I'm looking back at the macro of my life and seeing so many blessings and ways God could have used me but I've been largely fruitless.  Not totally, but not even close to being the man that God wanted me to be.  And as I get older, I see how selfish I've been and how much I've robbed God, others, and myself of knowing the me as I should be instead of how I am.  Instead of being a man that blesses many people and is a reflection of God's glory, I'm more of the walking wounded...with God trying to heal me and me turning away.

The sad part is now I am old.  I will NEVER be the person I could have been if I had let the Holy Spirit mold me as He desired to do.  There just isn't enough time and so many opportunities will not return.  There is no going back.

But I can still be fruitful in my remaining years if I yield.  In the video game culture we live in if my life were a game this would be where I would say, "Better just to start over" and delete my save game and go back and start from the beginning or near beginning.  But this is life, there is no do-over.  You get one shot to decide who you are.

One of the element's of Holiness is to deny yourself and pick up your cross daily.  The denying of self part is to not put yourself at the center of your life but put Jesus and other's first.  So that is a blessing as if I take myself mostly out of the picture...where I'm no longer worried if I turn out one way or another, and just rely on what God has for me on the day that I am in, it makes looking back and mourning over many wasted years sting less, as this life isn't about me but is about Jesus.  And although my life is already most likely half to two thirds over, there is still time enough, if I am willing and will submit, to bring God some fruit that pleases Him.

I know Jesus loves me...and his Love is a perfect love, and it isn't like human love which is ultimately behavior based.  God loves me beyond what I do.  But it would still be sure nice that I live my life in such a way that the Holy Spirit that lives in me smiles instead of is grieved.

So today, as the Holy Spirit enables, I will begin really trying to live Romans 12:1-2.  I know I can't do it, I need to ask God to do it in me.  And I need to keep asking God to do it in me.  And I must believe that He will do it in me.

Romans 12:1-2 (KJV)

12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.



Monday, July 28, 2014

A God Story

   So, when to me it is obvious that God is intervening in my life, I for lack of a better term call these events "God Stories".  Here is one.

   My wife and I have gone through a lot.  In April our marriage almost collapsed.  So about two weeks ago I was really down on my marriage.  I spent a lot of time thinking about what I was going to do.

   Lately I've really struggled to attend Church regularly.  I'm consistent with a Bible Study that is every other week, going on Sunday morning is a struggle for whatever reason.  Last week I felt that I needed to go to Church and I didn't really have an excuse not to.  Of course that Saturday night, in possibly an effort to self sabotage my effort to go, I stayed up past three.  So I prayed, "Lord, you are going to have to get me to Church or else I won't make it." or something like that.  I don't believe in giving God ultimatums but I know myself and what I was saying was true.

   So I woke up figuring it was about noon and I had slept in.  I lazily got out of bed and looked at the clock.  It was only a little after 8!  Now where to go.  The Church that sponsors the Bible study I go to wasn't till 11:00, and to be honest I kinda dread wading through all the people there (it is a good Church but it is kind of a mega church).  So I elected to go to the local Calvary Chapel instead.

   I went to that Calvary Chapel once when I moved to my new town and wasn't too impressed.  Right when the wheels came off of our marriage I went back to this Calvary Chapel and the message the Pastor delivered was right at the time what I needed to hear.  I wasn't sure if that would repeat.

   I get to the church, almost late, and the parking lot is full.  I circle around and a parking spot opens right up about as close to the front door as you can get in the lot I was in.  I go in.  The message was on 1 Corinthians 7...the part about marriage.

   The message was exactly what I needed to hear.  It is amazing that I was drawn not only to Church, but this specific Church to hear a message that I absolutely needed to hear.  I needed to have God's opinion, hope, and also practicality injected into my thinking.  Now I have my marching orders so to speak.  To love my wife as Jesus loves his bride, the church.  And to let the chips fall where they may.